Yes, I am totally updated now. And just for curiousity's sake, I did see if maybe the USB ports worked now, but alas, they do not. >_>

OK, I have tried the above and now I'm going to give you a very detailed report so you can really understand what's going on here because it is very strange.

I have a total of 6 USB ports. Four in the back, two in the front. So, I'm going to number them and tell you what happened when I tried the printer in each. (USB ports 1-4 are in the back, 5 and 6 are in the front)

USB #1 - this is the port that the printer was originally plugged into. Obviously, it works.
USB #2 - I received same message that I received with the other devices. "device not recognized and may have malfunctioned."
USB #3 - the printer worked in this one.
USB #4 - this time, something different happened. It appeared that it worked, but when I tried to print something, I was told "problem communicating with printer."
USB #5 - received same "malfunctioning" message.
USB #6 - received same "malfunctioning" message.

Also, I tried my Nintendo Wi-Fi Connecter in USB #1 (where the printer originally was) and it worked. So, it's obvious it's not the devices. But all of this is really weird to me. I have no idea why only 2 of my 6 USB ports work...

Well, that the kind of documentation I like. Thank you!

Next step...
Place your Windows Installation CD in the drive
Go to Start>Programs>Accessories>Command Prompt
Enter: sfc /scannow
Note: There is a space between the "c" and the "/".

This command will fix any system files might be corrupted.

OK, problem... I honestly don't think a Windows installation CD came with my computer. If it did, I have no idea where it is but I always keep my computer software in one place. But I just got this computer a few years ago (it's an HP by the way) and I really do not remember ever seeing a CD. It came with everything already installed on it. Is there anything alternative I can do?