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Hello members and staff.

Myself and Ladygreenwitch thought it would be a good idea and maybe some fun to post your weired and wonderfull quotes you have heard or use.

Maybe your grandmother used to say some silly quote to you when you were younger or she still says it to you now.

Or did some one famous make a blooper on TV?

We would love to hear them.

I have posted a few to start the ball rolling.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage" Ambrose Bierce.

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." George Burns.


"She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech." George Bernard Shaw

"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes."
Oscar Wilde

"Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."

"I speak Esparanto

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."

Spike Milligan.


Please remeber to follow forum rules when posting on this thread.We have members of all ages.

good idea!

ok first off here are some quotes from the brilliant George Carlin [RIP]

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

It’s never just a game when you’re winning.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. -

Quote from very old cartoon (political satire) from the 60´s, still applies to many situations:

We have found the enemy, and it is us.

This one may be dark, and should be used with care, from Saki (H. H. Munroe), english writer from around 1900´s:

He is a man who would be much improved by death.

And I will close with Eric Blair, other english writer:

Ignorance is Bliss.
Freedom is Slavery.
War is Peace.

The book, of course, is considered to be possibly the best about dystopias. (1984)

No I will leave with one more from Paul Simon:

The voices of the prophets are written on the subway walls. (Sounds of Silence -Simon & Garfunkel),

Well done guys keep them coming.

I love Sounds of Silence -Simon & Garfunkel.

1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forest Gump is unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you can still use them.
14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -"don't" and "stop" (unless they're used together).
17. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.
18. If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day and he will be back to his usual self.
19. All men are like chickens with their heads cut off when they see beautiful women pass by.
20. If your man appears happy, excited and keeps looking at you all of a sudden he is probably checking out the women behind you.
21. Figuring out men is like trying to make a jigsaw puzzle in a car, once you think you have it all put together, you find another piece but you don't know where it goes.

The Five Rules For Men To Follow To A Happy Life

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
.

and I don't know why job got underlined...weird