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Spaceman3750

ROFL, those are great, especially 1 and 3.

CyFanate

1) An archaeologist is diggin up old stuff in Egypt. Then, at a sudden moment, he digs up an old oil-lamp. So, he takes a towel and tries to make the oil lamp clean. At that moment, a ghost appear and says: "thanks for setting me free... .Now you can do one wish! "So the archaeologist thinks about it a few moment and says: "Okey, I know it! I want a bridge between France and England!"

The Ghost says:" No, sorry, I can't do that. Look at me, i've been in that lamp for years and years. Do you know how many work it is to make such a bridge. That's technically not feasable. So do another wish..."

The archaeologist thinks again and says: "Then I want to understand how women think..." The ghost starts stammer and says: "What do you want, a one or a two-lane road..."

Daemian · 02:53 AM

i dont think i saw these ones:

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

Microsoft is not the answer - Microsoft is the question. The answer is no!

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install Windows.

A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."
How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

1) 1001. One to install the new bulb, plus one thousand lawyers to assert intellectual property rights over every light bulb ever invented.
2) Microsoft doesn't change light bulbs. It declares Darkness (TM) the new standard.

What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft?

One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.

slowride66

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking own the sidewalk
dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the
door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked
what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the
money to buy it,and I'm not leaving until I get it,"

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.

Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after
making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the
Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why
did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one
of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a
baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me
because she just happens to be very fond of cute
little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.

"When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the
way, he'll
jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when
Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mom will go to bed and
have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work,
the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch
the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my
FROG."

SR66