[Cobracon]

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa,
taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell dog named Killer, along for the
company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long,
discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down
to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the
leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly,
"Boy,that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more
around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look
of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!",
says the leopard, "That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had
me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it
for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old Jack
Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures
that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and
strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is
furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back
and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on
his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of
running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he
hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the
old Jack Russell says... "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an
hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome
youth and treachery!

***BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.***

If you don't send this to five "old" friends right away there will be
five fewer people laughing in the world.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are
just more "youthfully challenged."

You DID notice the size of the print, didn't you?


Have a great day!!!!

[Arctos]

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.

5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.

8. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

9. School lunches stick to the wall.

10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

11. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Aeroplane Jelly to a tree.

2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tyres.

5. Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.

6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

7. The more you complain, the longer god lets you live.

8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.

9. Eat a live cane toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.

10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.