[uncleed]

When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why???

It's because she smells like a new truck

[uncleed]

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and Asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
Your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"

[uncleed]

The doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young
doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had
a prescription for birth control pills.



"Mrs. Smith, do you know these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?



"Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"



She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. Yes dear I know that but every morning I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks and believe you me, it helps me sleep at night."

[GaRHaR]

Aahahahaha, nice one uncleed
keep the jokes rollin'

[uncleed]

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up
behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in
your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of
one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there
was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked
up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which
knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What did you do

that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."

[uncleed]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as
he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are
you down here at this time of night?"


The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we
were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.


The wife is touched to tears thinking that after all these years her husband
is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do," she replies.


The husband paused; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when
your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.


The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for
20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.


He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...
"I would have gotten out today."

[uncleed]

>A farmer in North Dakota got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.
>
>The trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speeding, and in
>general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer feel
>uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.
>
>As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing
>around his head.
>
>The farmer said, "Having some problem with them there circle flies, are
>ya?"
>
>The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what
>they are. I never heard of circle flies."
>
>So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're
>called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the
>back end of a horse."
>
>The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a
>minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ***?"
>
>The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law
>enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a
>horse's ***."
>
>The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the
>ticket.
>
>After a long pause, the farmer says,
>
> "Hard to fool them flies though."