[chiaz]

Nice ones uncleed!

[uncleed]

I thought someone might get a chuckle out of them. I was glad to find the jokes thread here, im a joke junky. I have quite a few that are suitable for the forum. If yall get tired of em, just let me know. lol


A doctor was giving a seminar on how the food we eat plays such a large part in our health. "The material that we put in our stomachs, is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful, and loaded with bacteria. Soft drinks erode the lining of your stomach, not to mention the harm all that sugar does. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat foods can cause heart problems. And no one really knows the long term effects of the germs in our drinking water, and the chemicals we treat it with. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous, that we all have, or probably will eventually eat. Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after we eat it?" After several moments of silence, an old man in the front row raised his hand and said, "Wedding cake."

[ladygreenwitch]

Hey Uncleed,

My welcome to PCHF. Thanks for "getting" that we are family friendly, your joke about Graham had me literally, . We LOVE a good joke, and people with a good sense of humor. I hope we see lots of you around the forums.

TTFN

LGW

EDIT: Ditto the Doctor joke, BIG LOL!! Thx again.

[slowride66]

Today's Short Jokes

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage,
and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

------------

"Mr. Clark, I ha ve reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court
Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"

------------

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all. "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.

-----------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.

------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says and hangs up.

-----------

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

------------

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

--------------

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"

-------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.

It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one


SR66

[Scouse]

For this one, I think most non-English people will go "Huh?!" (in fact a lot of non-scouser might as well!)

However, it took me ages to type so it's getting shown anyway!

[uncleed]

A woman was looking at the sale adds in the paper, when she noticed that the local country store had ground beef on sale. She needed a few other things, so she went shopping. She walked up to the meat market, and the butcher asked her what she needed today. She said, "I only need a few things, but id like to have 5 pounds of the ground beef thats on sale." The butcher explained, "Im sorry, we`ve already sold out for today, but i can give you a raincheck, or ive got some nice cows tongue i can substitute even though it costs a little more." She replied, "Good heavens no, i couldnt possibly eat anything that came out of a cows mouth. Ill wait on the raincheck, just give me a dozen eggs."

[uncleed]

Little johnny decided to walk down by the creek, on his way home from the country schoolhouse. As he got close to the creek, he heard alot of noise, and water splashing going on. He snuk through the bushes to get closer to the creek, and see what was going on. He found some ladies clothes all neatly folded over a log, and when he looked toward the creek, he saw his teacher, swimming in the nude. He sat down, and started watching, and pretty soon his teacher looked up and saw him sitting there. She scolded him and told him to go on home, that she would have to leave soon. He just sat there and grinned. It was getting close to dark, and she didnt know what to do. She told him if he would leave, that she wouldnt tell his parents , and he wouldnt get in trouble. He just sat there and grinned.
She was pacing up and down the creek trying to think of something, when she stumbled on something in the creek bottom. She reached down to see what it was, and it was a big washtub. She picked it up, rinsed it off, held it up in front of her, and stormed up to little johnny. She scolded him up one side and down the other, told him how much trouble he was in ,and told him she was gonna go straight to his house and tell his parents. He just sat there and grinned
She ranted on for a few minutes trying to get him to leave where she could get dressed, and finally said, "And furthermore young man, do you know what i think?" Johnny just grinned and said, "Yes maam, i bet you think theres a bottom in that washtub."