The Jokes Thread

[slimsss2]

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on
a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip
a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next
time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by
losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow
my instructions?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I
was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean? the doctor asked''

'' NO,,,,,,, from skipping''!!!!

[Axephilic]

Good one, ahaha. The blonde jokes never get old.

[madmatt2006]

Another Blonde Joke....

My friends blonde wife was talking to him over his dinner the other night and she was so proud of a puzzle she had just completed her husband said it's not that hard to do a puzzle she replied it said "3 to 9 years" on the box. It only took her 6 months

[chiaz]

Lol!

[Shadow5]

Heres one.
a man named Frank and his friend r out hunting with a 45 gun for small game when all of a sudden a bear shows up. Well the mans friend (his name is Ernie) is a little slow and shoots the bear. Well obviously it doesnt do much and just makes the bear angry. So both Ernie and Frank start running away. Well they start running towards there cabin and the bear is getting closer and closer and than he slips and falls So the men make it back to the cabin and lock the door. Frank says, "Wow, we were lucky that bear kept slipping", To which Ernie replied," it wasnt luck I was just scared".

He was slipping on mudpies

[Shadow5]

ive got another 1.

Frank and Ernie and another friend (this time Bill) are planning a desert hiking trip for tomorrow. When Frank shows up hes carrying a bag and sees Bill with a bag so he asks wat is in the bag. (by this time Ernie has shown up) Bill says, "well i thought if we got hungry we could have sandwitches so i brought some". Ernie says that was mighty fine thinking and asks Frank wat he has in his bag. "Well", Frank says, " i brought water in case we got thirsty. Ernie says that was pretty smart too. by this time both Frank and Bill couldnt help it they had too ask Ernie why he had brought a car door. Ernie says "well if we get hot, i can roll down the car window."

hope u liked this one its really funny when u say Ernies with a stupid kind of accent.

[valis]

another blondie joke.....two of them (blondes, for those in the audience) are hiking amidst one of the glorious forests that adorn most northern hemispheric continents, when the come upon a set of tracks.

The first, having walked by a bookstore that carried books on flora and fauna earlier that week, stated that those were deer tracks.

The second, whose current boyfriend was a gent named Bubba who was either polishing his guns, talking to his guns, or killing Bambi, stated emphatically that no, those were elk tracks.

They stood there all day arguing the fact until the train ran them down.

(insert rimshot here)

(although I've always personally thought that 'insert' and 'rimshot' should never be in the same sentence together. Sort of like 'nuclear medicine'.)

[GaRHaR]

Originally Posted by Shadow5 ive got another 1. Frank and Ernie and another friend (this time Bill) are planning a desert hiking trip for tomorrow. When Frank shows up hes carrying a bag and sees Bill with a bag so he asks wat is in the bag. (by this time Ernie has shown up) Bill says, "well i thought if we got hungry we could have sandwitches so i brought some". Ernie says that was mighty fine thinking and asks Frank wat he has in his bag. "Well", Frank says, " i brought water in case we got thirsty. Ernie says that was pretty smart too. by this time both Frank and Bill couldnt help it they had too ask Ernie why he had brought a car door. Ernie says "well if we get hot, i can roll down the car window." hope u liked this one its really funny when u say Ernies with a stupid kind of accent.

I've heard this joke before, but in a different version...and it's a stab against Aussies

3 Aussies are driving through the desert, and the car breaks down.
First guy picks up the food, and says "we'll need food while walking to the next town"
Second guy gets the water and says "we'll definately need the water incase it's further than we think"
The third guy gets the first and second to help him pull the door off the car stating "It's going to get hot, so we can wind down the window"


As alog of people won't get either version of this joke..it's directed at Australians due to the simple fact that we have 2 settings in our airconditioners...."window open" and "window closed"

[fisherman6]

Guy walks into the Bar with his pet monkey. Sits on a stool orders a beer, the monkey sits on the bar. The monkey picks up a piece of lime, shoves it up his ****, pulls it out, and eats it. The monkey picks up a cherry, shoves it up his ****, pulls it out, and eats it.

Now the bartender get's curious, and asks the guy why the monkey shoves everything up his ****, before he eats it ?

Seems the monkey went to a pool hall, ate a Q-Ball, had to have it surgically removed, now he checks IF he can Pass it, First !

[Syphon]

i like the campers one, that made me laugh

[Syphon]

Heres one:
Theres an irishman, an englishman and a scottsman. They are all trying to break into a car. A police car pulls up and after a short chase arrests them all. On the way back to the police station, the police officer asks them for their names. The englishman looks out the car window, looks at the shops and replies, "Marks Spencer". He then asks the scottsman. He too looks out of the wondow and replies, " i am W H Smith". "Okay", the police officer replies. "And you?" he says pointing at the irishman. The irishman looks out of the window, then back at the police officer and says, "I'm kentucky Fried Chicken!

It's a good one after a couple of drinks

[Pgh]

Definiton for Windows 95