1=SYMPTOM
2=FAULT
3=ACTION

Feet cold and wet.
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.
Improper bladder control.
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless
Glass empty.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
You have fallen over backward.
Have yourself leashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts.
You have fallen forward.
See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred.
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving.
You are being carried out.
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark.
Bar has closed.
Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Cover mouth.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
You are dancing on the table.
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
You have been in a fight.
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
You've wandered into the wrong party.
See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted.
The beer is too weak.
Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song.
Beer is just right.
Play air guitar.

Beer is crystal-clear.
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Punch him.

Hehe good one joe :-)

ROFL, that's pretty funny . Here's my couple.

Symptom: Flashing lights appear in your rear-view mirror on the way home from the bar
Cause: You have had too many drinks
Action: Cover any remaining beer in the car, pull over, prepare to go to jail

Symptom: When walking, a sudden pain erupts into your forhead
Cause: You have had too many drinks and ran into a wall while walking
Action: Lay down on the floor and sleep until sober

Nice joe! :-D

haha. all of them were good. Well done.

Wow, dkwds - there's a face/name from the past. WB buddy.

Yeah, havn't seen you around in awhile...