i have 5 computers and none of them wear boots

. they range from 5-18 years old. please don't laugh. oh wait, i am, but i cried first. i've tried 3 different hard drives on each computer. i must have tired over 40 combinations of hard drives, computers, and cables. what the ***** do i do?
I've put all my blood, sweat, tears, uring, and into getting these piece of shiZZLE computers to workizzle.
I've built computers since tandy hit the market, and i am a super COMPUTEER, i even wear a cape..really, i promise. but i cant get these fossils to boot.... My AZN friend cant help either, and he's korea style computer smart.
so in other words, HAYLP MEHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm dead serious, i pinkie promise with whip cream and spankings
All 5 computers get hard drive failure with all three hard drives
SO WHY DOES GOD HATE ME